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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759671">And You Trusted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironhoshi/pseuds/ironhoshi'>ironhoshi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cal Kestis Needs a Hug, Childhood Trauma, Clones, Darth Vader has some issues, I told myself I wouldn't do this and somehow we are here, Mentioned Obi-Wan Kenobi, One-Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The Clones deserved so much more, The Stormtroopers fell like toys, Trauma, angstober 2020, enjoy my angst, questionable decisions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:21:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759671</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironhoshi/pseuds/ironhoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t anything he had ever wanted to see again. A faint trill of concern barely brushed the surface of his shock and Cal raised his free hand to place it gently on BD. The stench was violent, but the emotions that were curling towards him were so much worse. He shuffled back a few steps, a futile attempt at putting distance between himself and the air that was screaming.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Angstober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And You Trusted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This isn't a fun time. These are some dark times. <br/>HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEN!  This month is my favorite and I am beyond excited to at least do the first prompt of Angstober.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His eyes couldn’t quite comprehend what he was seeing, or rather, they didn’t want to comprehend. The ground was dripping in red, redder than his hair could ever hope to become, and he could only stumble back a step as he brought a gloved hand to his mouth.</p><p>No.</p><p>It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t anything he had ever wanted to see again. A faint trill of concern barely brushed the surface of his shock and Cal raised his free hand to place it gently on BD. The stench was violent, but the emotions that were curling towards him were so much worse. He shuffled back a few steps, a futile attempt at putting distance between himself and the air that was screaming. </p><p>There was so much screaming in his head. </p><p>The limbs were contorted, the eyes empty, and each and every helmet was cracked down the middle. Something violent had happened to these Imps, something that wasn’t his blade. He would never have been so ruthless- </p><p>Cal choked on the cold as he tried not to see clones in his mind. </p><p>
  <i>”You need to eat, vod.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You got it this time for sure, Cal!” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Here, put your hand in the red paint and then on my pauldron.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You’re one of us, Commander.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Good soldiers follow orders.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“He’s in the vents!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Kill on sight, he can’t live!”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“TRAITOR!”</i>
</p><p>Cold slammed into him and he felt like if he exhaled now that he would be able to see each droplet of oxygen leaving his lungs. BD screeched in warning and Cal reacted without thinking. The hilt of his lightsaber flew into his hand, with a flick of his wrist he ignited both purple blades. They cut through the air with a hiss that echoed in his ears. </p><p>“How could you,” he yelled as the tell-tale breathing filled his very being. Each mechanical exhale made his heart stutter. “They were your soldiers!” </p><p>“They were nothing, Padawan,” the cold voice wrapped around him like a vine. Cal choked on a sob, holding back the emotion as he brought his blade up between him and the Sith Lord. “Not even as good as the originals. You know this, you’ve killed them. How easily you’ve given in to your hate for what those helmets mean.”</p><p>“No,” he snapped while fear began to grip the edges of his mind. </p><p>“You would be wise to surrender and do as I say, Cal Kestis. I won’t ask a third time.”</p><p>“Yeah...probably,” he spun the blade and crouched down low as he waited for the fight he knew he’d barely survive. The first time he had won was only thanks to having an ocean to drop on Darth Vader, the second time he had thrown himself off a waterfall. This time? He only had the bodies of mutilated stormtroopers around him. He wasn’t going to fling dead bodies at Vader, he wouldn’t be so disrespectful. “But again, I think I’ll pass.” BD chirped his agreement and the air around him grew somehow colder. </p><p>The red blade was like a blemish against his vision and he shifted his grip on his own lightsaber without thinking. That blade, wielded by that person, was going to cause him so much pain.</p><p>“Kestis, Padawan, I did it for you.” Did what? Cal was caught completely caught off guard and couldn’t hide the confusion on his face. What in karking Hell could Darth Vader have done for him? Besides attempting to kill him each time they ran into each other, which was increasing drastically. It was like the Sith was hunting him or something- a thought that was not pleasant at all. A cruel laugh escaped the monster in front of him before the man motioned to the carnage that surrounded them. “I killed them all for you.”</p><p>He had killed the soldiers for him and, in some way; he realized it was because of the armor. He had killed every single person because they wore the armor that hurt Cal to see.</p><p>He looked at a trooper and he saw the clones that had treated him like a little brother, like family. They had wanted him.</p><p>He saw the clones that snuck him candy when he was upset over failing yet another lesson with his Master. </p><p>He saw the clones that had turned their blasters on him without any word.</p><p>He saw the clones he had loved and hated.</p><p>Cal’s arm trembled as he shifted back another step. “No, no! Don’t- you didn’t do this for me! I didn’t ask for this, any of this! They trusted you!”</p><p>“And you trusted your clones, your family, didn’t you, Cal Kestis? Where did that get you? Abandoned. You know how easy it is for someone to betray you.”</p><p>
  <i>”The only good Jedi is a dead Jedi!”</i>
</p><p>“Stop!” It made so much more sense when Darth Vader was trying to kill him and now he was left floundering. Why wasn’t the monster trying to kill him? Why was he trying to put tiny cracks into the sides of his heart so he slowly bled out with each breath? </p><p>
  <i>“We will beat the Seppies, don’t you worry, vod.”</i>
</p><p>“All you have to do, all you ever had to do, is stand by my side and you can stop this from happening again. You can protect everyone. All it takes is one single step forward, Padawan. Don’t you want to protect everyone? I can make you strong enough.”</p><p>BD started swearing colorfully and Cal found himself rooted to the spot. </p><p>
  <i>“We’ve got your back, Commander.” </i>
</p><p>A shockingly black-gloved hand stretched out towards him, beckoning, inviting. He could hear the ghost of the words around him, swirling tauntingly- <b>join me.</b> All he had to do was take one step, a single innocent step, and he’d be able to make sure nothing like this senseless slaughter happened again. Cal didn’t like the Imperials, but he didn’t think they deserved this type of ending. BD vibrated against his shoulder, drawing his attention away from the scene in front of him. </p><p>No.</p><p>No, the Order might have fallen, but he was still a Jedi. </p><p>Cal gripped the hilt of his lightsaber with both hands and twisted so it disconnected. The purple energy cut through the air as he swept his arms down. </p><p>“I follow a new path and it isn’t with you. They can betray me, they can hate me, they can do their best to kill me, but I will keep fighting for them. That’s the difference between you and me,” he said calmly. “I am not afraid. I trust only in the Force.”</p><p>Darth Vader stilled for a moment and the world turned macabre. Bodies began to float around them like some twisted asteroid field. BD shrank down against him, clearly unnerved by this new display, and he was right there with his little buddy. </p><p>“You are just as stubborn as he was, but you aren’t going to escape me as he did.” </p><p>Like who? </p><p>Who did Vader think he was like? </p><p>Cal knew he needed to move, but he also knew engaging in a fight wasn’t going to end pretty. He kept his focus on the Sith while still trying to find a good way to escape. Some fights were meant to be run from, there was no shame in surviving. </p><p>“BD,” he whispered. “I think we have a problem.”</p><p>BD agreed wholeheartedly as Darth Vader began to advance. Cal had the unwanted thought that for a man that walked at a normal pace it was shockingly terrifying. He flashed a tight smile and leaped backward with the aid of the Force. He could sense the drop behind him, the way out of this nightmare. Cal spun and lurched forward, towards the edge, Darth Vader yelled behind him. </p><p>Cal Kestis threw himself towards the cliff. He didn’t know what was below, he didn’t care, he just knew he needed to get away from the cold. BD let out a whoop of joy, falling into uncertainty, it seemed, was a favorite pastime of the droid’s. </p><p>“Kenobi,” came the angry cry or maybe he had only thought he heard that word. There was no way some tyrannous man would call out the name of the Negotiator right now, not at someone like him. Cal was no one to Vader, no one to Kenobi, he was just a Jedi trying not to die in the new galaxy that had been forged under the cruel care of the Empire. He wasn’t Kenobi, he’d never be Kenobi, and that was actually fine.</p><p>“This is gonna hurt, buddy,” he yelled over the wind just before his feet crashed into the icy surface of what he was hoping was a deep lake. </p><p>
  <i>"If you fall down, vod, you just get back up. No one will judge you for falling, but they will judge you if you stay down. Remember that and you’ll be fine.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Commander, don’t let your Master see you with those scraped knees! Come on- let’s get you to the medbay.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“...nightmares again? I won’t tell the General if you don’t, climb in.”</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you enjoyed this. Stay spooky.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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